Just remember, even your worst days only have twenty-four hours
It’s always nice to find out that your mom is contacting everyone, but you.
How she ignores your phone calls, but calls the others from the very number you call.
It would be nice to get a… hi, I’m sorry that I completely fucked you over, once again, but I only do it because I know you’re strong and smart enough to eventually fix me fucking up your life a little more.
Maybe I’m nonexistent now, especially since she has a new boyfriend in Georgia. Maybe if she doesn’t talk to me she won’t have to hear the struggles she has put on me. Maybe she truly doesn’t even care.
It’s so pretty today, I need vodka though, maybe after work.
I was told today that I speak with my eyebrows. Um, what? I know my face gives everything away, but apparently so do my eyebrows.
I got my first whip snap to the ass today, coworker is lucky I don’t break his shit. I’m sure there is a mark.
I cannot wait for this month to be over, I need October like 3 weeks ago.
I Want Drugs
I think about how easy it is for me to tell dudes and other people to go fuck straight off when they do something that upsets or hurts me, but my own mother, I just continue to take the so-called emotional beatings. I know why I do this, and it doesn’t make it any better, but there is some sort of fucked up comfort in it. I do it because I can’t live with the regrets my siblings have over our father, it has destroyed my youngest sister and her life is forever ruined. I wonder if she knows this as she’s sitting in a jail cell waiting for a trial where she will more than likely be spending years in prison.
In other news, the game has officially begun. Fucker is trying my patience first, part of our game is him believing he can teach me patience, because I seriously need to be taught it he said. He did what he said he was going to do today, so I was curious what his next play was and I found out. What he doesn’t know is I’m the winner at never caving first, just ask The Geek. Plus, I don’t have too and he knows this and is encouraging my untamed behavior. I’m sure that no one can follow this unless they’re clearly as fucked up as we are.
My roommate made a comment the other day about how I have too many dudes. I ignored him until this morning when I got a text, I spent a good 10 minutes trying to place the name across my screen before I read it and it clicked. The saddest part was I talked to him before I went to bed last night. I wonder what my therapist would say about this.
I need to make a therapy appointment, bad.
Did pretty awesome on my first pharm exam, patted myself on the back. I just wonder how much better I would have done if it wasn’t fucking critical thinking nurse exam questions. Blah, blah, blah is all I hear when I hear I’m being prepared for the NCLEX.
When is enough, enough?
My mom surfaced.
She knew about my sister getting picked up, called my brother restricted to tell him. He told her to call me, because she knows why. She hasn’t called me, but she did call my sisters boyfriend to ask him for something.
I should be angry, but I’m more upset then anything else right now. It’s been a long time since I’ve cried because of her, but she caused it just now.
I Once Watched A Porn Like This…
To help mix up my soap opera life a little I agreed to enter into a game with someone tonight. To change it even more he’s the type I swore I’d never date again after so many cliche experiences, yep, total military dude. Cocky fuck thinks he will win and I love proving people wrong.
I had total deja vu in the car tonight with him while making out. I can honestly say that has never happened, but it did weird me out enough to pull back and try to process, because I’m a freak like that.
I’m seeing him again tomorrow night. It’s game on, bitches.
So Many Randoms, Zero Point
At school my friends asked if I went to get my sinuses checked out. Told them about the mouth bruise and the exact quote the practitioner gave me, I got more laughs. And a lot of, “can that really happen?” Um, it did, I’m proof or a vacuum lock.
I’m actually glad the days are getting shorter and I’m ready for fall. Full moon on Equinox makes my geeky heart swoon.
I think I pulled a groin muscle tonight, because holy fuck my right inside thigh is killing me.
I want pumpkin roll french toast, because all I’ve been thinking about for like a month is the delicious red velvet french toast we had at Yolk in Chicago.
My concern with my mother is growing each day. I don’t even know where to begin to look for her. I also don’t need this shit in my life right now, so hopefully she contacts one of us soon or gets her phone connected again.
Leg. Hurts. So. Bad.
My life is a total soap opera right now. I could change it, but I think it’s keeping me somewhat balanced so I don’t have a complete meltdown. I just continue down my daytime television path one really after another.
Between this song and George Ezra’s, Budapest, I crank my car system up to annoyingly high white girl volumes lately. I could have wrote this song, kind of like MS MR’s, Hurricane, which is still a song I white girl crank, too.
Banks // Beggin For Thread
So I got edges that scratch
And sometimes I don’t got a filter
But I’m so tired of eatin’
All of my misspoken words
I know my disposition gets confusing
My disproportionate reactions fuse with my eager state
That’s why you wanna come out and play with me, yeah
Source: SoundCloud / BANKS.
The Amanda Chronicles
Today at work my throat started hurting so I went to the mirror to check the back of it and noticed that the roof of my mouth looked as if it had a bruise. I know, weird. I was having coworkers look at it and the boss finally said, Amanda, that is fucking bruised and I’m not even going to ask.
So, I went to urgent care to have my throat and sinuses checked out and mentioned the roof of my mouth.
Nurse practitioner: “it looks like you’ve sucked on something really hard. Have you ate any new foods or throat lozenges?” Has doctor come in and look just to be certain and Yep, totally bruised.
Me: Um, not that I recollect, but I was kind of buzzed last night. (Back of my head doing the bruise math and realize that I know what I was doing Friday for the bruise.)Oh and I’m back on antibiotics.
Who creampied you?
It’s family night and I learned the power of super hearing tonight.
My dinner has been Ketel One tonight. Food hasn’t been a concern this last week with everything that’s been going on outside of attracting and sleeping with married men. It’s been such a shitty week and I’ve kept the shit on lockdown from everyone except my baby brother. But hey, no anxiety attacks.
I know I’m not the parent, but my mom has me really concerned and I don’t have a way to contact her right now, nor do I know where she’s living. Part of me wants to say fuck it all and throw my hands up, but the caretaker part of can’t do this.
I don’t even feel remotely bad for something, probably because I’m selfish. I’m desensitized to so much lately, I think. Maybe it’s part of my I really do what I want and tend to give zero fucks; I just make jokes, but I’m truly indifferent.
My name is Amanda and I’m a married dude magnet for the month of September.
My Life Amuses Me
Earlier today I had the freaky realization that my new friend was very similar to The Geek in so many ways it was redick. Didn’t notice until something he wanted to do to me was brought up and then it all came crashing in.
Oh and I just discovered today that he is married and not in the we’re separating or in an open marriage way. Granted I was only seeing him as a FWB potential and nothing more while he was near me consulting a firm for a few weeks. The funny thing was I believe it was just a week ago I made a comment to someone about how I’m attracting a lot of married men all of a sudden.
It’s birth control day in Derz land.
She has pink eye and is all up on my shit and asking for selfies, she liked this one the best out of the selfie series. I swear she’s Internet ready, her blog would be nothing but selfies, Spongebob and Dora GIFS though, better then most at the age of three. I do love her no fucks given about how her hair looks all disheveled, when I see people like this they just ask me if I got railed.
He’s angry as fuck and started crying. Anyone who knows me knows I can’t deal with that if I can’t even deal with my own hot mess. Thank fuck for binkie!
So, when does someone’s apparent obsession with you go from annoying to creepy?