If Stress Burned Calories, I Wouldn’t Need To Do Insanity To Minimize My Fupa

You know that awful fucking cliche saying, be careful what  you wish for? Well, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been bit in the ass for thinking something was going to be better because the change I wished for happened some way or another. Seriously, I think I’m on a constant misery cycle or rinse and repeat.

Newest case in point: I finally break free of twat boss and get a boss I absolutely love, but then her boss, a new addition to the company has turned out awful and makes me stabby as fuck, plus my already shady company is getting worse with more bullshit. The last couple of weeks I’ve been dreading even more because of impending news about my boss. Today was my boss’s last day, she is taking FMLA and is not planning on returning, she is done after almost 5 years because of all the bullshit we’ve been dealing with the last month. So, the reality of her last day being today hit me harder than I expected. I think it was a combo of her being gone and the amount of stress I just took over that caused my gut to drop and become nauseous.

After the manager meeting I had to attend on Tuesday my annoyance and anger with everything has hit a new high. At one point I looked over at my boss and said I want to fucking give her the finger and walk right out that door after a snide assumption she made about me in front of all the other managers, but then the bitch contradicted herself when she made a praise about me. I was seething. I’ve been biting my tongue a lot around her and when she calls, but she is fueling my stress levels to infinity and beyond, it’s like she is testing how much shit I will put up with.

My boss told me she feels incredibly sorry for me right now, because she is leaving right before the new wave of crap begins. She said that my stress is only going to get worse and hugged me, because I looked as if I was gonna break the fuck down right there.  I want to leave, but I am not in the position where I can do that. I keep sending my resume out and I’m at the point where I will take pretty much anything offered to me, maybe next Wednesday I will get my opportunity.

Think Positive, Amanda

So, Date 1, Tim, messaged me last night telling me had a good time and was joking with me. Then this morning I went to my dating app to read a message and saw where he had visited my profile at like 7am, I’m gonna go all girl and believe he woke up thinking about me.

He totally woke up thinking about me, right?

Options, Always

I’m on my way to my second date for today, I’m an official player now.

I liked the first, a lot. We shall see, I know my luck in this department though, so that is why I’m second date bound. I deal with possible headcase shit so healthy.

I might be ending up at Melissa’s after this since I’ll be so close, so three dates in one day makes me a hot commodity or just desperate to not be at home on a Saturday night.

Current Status

Booze.

An amazing burger with BBQ Mac n’Cheese topping.

Bitches.

Awful karaoke in the background. Bitch is trying to be the trainwreck Amy Winehouse, I can’t even.

Also, I needed this after another day when I fought the urge to say fuck it all.

Missing someone to pay my tab and sex. Maybe tomorrow night…

TT 2

Sometimes I feel like an escort when an out of town dude is here for business or family and messages me, because they want to go out and have fun while they are in town. (Apparently my profile screams I’m a fun girl.)

Perks of these dudes include the usual drinks, dinner, and not being at home in my fat pants alone nose glued to Tumblr or Netflix. But, I also don’t have to worry about them getting clingy either, they do have to return to where they come from after all. I don’t even have to pretend to care about their story or the fake story I’m sure they’re telling me as they try to gauge me as to whether I’m a whore or just killing my boredom. (95% it’s boredom)

I should consider getting paid for my time now that I think about this. New job possibility so I can quit my current.

  • 114 Plays
  • Heavy FeetLocal Natives

Local Natives // Heavy Feet

What you said I wrote it down,
It won’t say, it won’t speak the same
Maybe I know better than
To read more than what’s there

After everything, after everything.
Left in the sun, shivering.
After everything.

Truthful Tuesday

I’m about to go all deep and ambiguous, just how Tumblr likes it.

I just did something that currently makes me feel like a complete failure at life. Now, I’m on my way home to work on something to hopefully ensure that I won’t always feel like I’m failing at life. If this happens I might actually do something with my life for once.

Life is about balance, right?

  • 112 Plays
  • Below My FeetMumford & Sons

Mumford & Sons // Below My Feet

Just give me time
Well you know your desires and mine
So wrap my flesh in ivy and in twine
For I must be well

Keep the earth below my feet
From my sweat, my blood runs weak
Let me learn from where I have been
Well keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn
Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

This Week Can Get Bent

I need the juju fairies to shit their rainbow glitter luck all over me for once.

Just for fucking once.

I need a change so bad. I need to get out of my current situation before I do something really stupid, like run my mouth and get fired. I love my new manager, but I absolutely hate my new clients and direction my already shady company is heading.

Someone find me a job please.

Sunday Seven

1. The pollen is killing me right now. Seriously, it has my allergies to the level of horrible that I have an earache as well as affecting my upper and lower jaw on the same side since Thursday. It’s like a toothache for that entire side of my face, brutal and tear inducing on Friday. Pain pills and me are becoming one with each other, although I had to eat a shitty McDonald’s breakfast Saturday at work because the pain pills jacked my stomach all up. I fucking loathe McDonald’s.

2. I had an oyster for the first time last night, too salty for my taste, but I tried that slimey fucker and chased it with a shot of vaahkaa.

3. Russian’s aren’t the scariest white people after all. I actually had a good time last night filled with good conversations, a lot of laughs and a lot of vaahkaa shots. We were head to head with shots and I can out drink a Russian, I really do have superhuman drinking powers. I haven’t had a good time in a couple weeks, so I needed last night. I might still have a contact buzz happening today. 

4. I had such a good time that my phone wasn’t glued to my hand, I forgot it existed. I try to behave on dates with my phone and not be rude, unless they are awful and then long hair don’t fucking care. Anyways 3 hours passed and I missed 43 messages and 3 phone calls and the emergency response system was issued. While I love that my friends were worried about me, I just don’t think the amount of time that passed was justified for the reaction I got, 3 hours isn’t very long, especially since I was on a date. I can understand the freak out I got if they didn’t hear from me by the next morning or if I had promised to text someone and failed. 

5. I’m kind of bothered that the first thought was that something was terribly wrong rather than that maybe I was actually having fun. Why wasn’t it ever a possibility that I was having a good time? I know that most of my dates are lame as fuck, except in the story department, but I have went out with a couple dudes more that once, Licker is still around even. Good times do happen, sometimes.

6. When I was a kid me and my baby brother were the overprotected ones. My brother because he was the baby and me because some seriously traumatic shit happened to me in my early years, so my dad kept a tight reign on us and let my middle sisters do whatever they wanted. I seldomly was allowed to go out with friends unless he knew the parents and the friend. (I had to pull some quick shit in high school to go to games and get into the little bit of trouble I did get into my freshman year.) When I started driving I was given a cell phone and had to report when I made it somewhere and when I was heading home. This mentality was drilled into me, so even in my early 20’s when I’d go out to a concert I was reporting back to dad my whereabouts. After he passed I was still doing it, but to my mother. One day I came home and she told me that I am an adult and I don’t have to report to her what and where I am, but if I wasn’t coming home to show the respect of letting her know. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until that moment and it was a habit that took me awhile to break. I’ve grown to be very independent the last 3 years, I don’t answer to anyone any longer and because I’m single I don’t feel I have to.  I hate that I was made to feel like an incompetent child that needs babysitting or monitoring so she doesn’t get herself into trouble, because I didn’t respond to texts for 3 hours.

7. I think I made out with Olivia’s pillows last night and gave my chin rug burn.